Reflections.

Today marks an anniversary. An anniversary of a year most of us are unlikely to forget. A year of change, of strangeness and never dreamt of emotional turbulence.

This year, the 23rd of March 2021, in the UK is also the National Day of Reflection. A day set up by Marie Curie to reflect on our collective loss. To remember those who are no longer with us, and there are too many for that not to be a loss, and too many for us not to feel it, even if you haven’t directly lost someone this last year.

There are always those days throughout a lifetime aren’t there. The ones that remain in your head and your heart long after they’ve passed. Your wedding, your divorce, the loss of a dear loved one, and on a national and international level there are certain ones we all remember. For me I can still recall where I was when the news came through that Princess Diana had died, that aircrafts were flying into the twin towers, that Nelson Mandela had been released, and the day I got the news my Father had died.

These things you don’t forget. Because individually or collectively they hit. Whether it’s shock, horror, fear, betrayal or loss that you feel, they hit, and that hit leaves an impact. Little did we know on this day last year that it was a day that would mark the beginning of a long period of change. When life as we knew it, overnight, stopped.

How we worked, lived, shopped, socialised, vacationed, it all stopped.

So little traffic that the continual background noise of roads ceased. Instead, we could hear the sound of birdsong, the rustle of hedgerows, lowing of cows, neighing of horses, the sounds of Mother Nature just busy doing her thing.

And a deep, deep peaceful silence. A silence that reaches your soul because we so seldom hear it. A silence that calls on us to reflect on our lives, on how we live them, on what needs to change. A silence that can be beautifully blissful or searingly uncomfortable.

I miss that silence.

I’m sat here, it’s 6.30am and I’m up writing because the call was too loud, so I answered it. And I’m surrounded by peace. No movement or noise in the house, little movement outside it other than the beauty of birdsong and the occasional background vehicle. And so, it reminds me of that silence we had last year during, what we’ve come to refer as, as Lockdown 1.

Silence. Reflection.  

They both ask us to look deep into our hearts, into our souls and to listen.

To truly listen.  

What is your inner wisdom telling you, what needs to change still, what comes up for you? 

Reflection is a beautiful thing; it can also be an incredibly painful thing. It can ask us to go deep. And sometimes that’s just too painful a thing to do. Sometimes it’s the only thing left to do. Because no matter who we are, where we live, or what we feel life happens, changes happen, things happen that we never saw coming. Bumps in the road, hurdles, crossroads. They happen. 

It’s how we navigate them that teaches us about ourselves. And how others respond that teaches us about them, and about our relationships.

Too many people have been left alone this past year. Too many lives lost. Too many lives turned upside down. Some of you might have continued pretty much as you were, still working, still commuting, still seeing others during your day – but it won’t have been a normal day, the effects of this year were too big not to be felt by everyone, no matter who you are or what you do. Some of us had to suddenly create home offices, or workout/yoga studios. Some of us lost the ability to work, asked to close to keep everyone safe. Businesses and jobs, as well as lives have been lost.

The emotional toll, I believe, is yet to be seen. How we respond when things do open up will speak volumes about us as humans. As souls. For some this has been a year that they will remember as the loneliest or most isolating, for others a year of forced change, for some not so much. But it will have made its impact, somewhere, somehow.

Did you take the chance to reflect at all? Did you dare to go deep and really think about your life, how you’re living it and what needs to change? I’ve spoken to many women who have done so, who have decided to change how they work, how they live, how many hours and how much of their soul they put into that work. To work better, to live better. To be more productive for less hours. To move to a new house, to connect with nature more. To start to realise the dream they’ve held for years somewhere deep inside.

I’ve also spoken to many who have felt the impact as a bomb going off. Sadness, confusion, foggy brain, not wanting to connect, or speak with others. To be honest not wanting to get out of bed. And it goes beyond that. Depression, anxiety, fear, grief, pain. Deeply felt wounds. No direction. Especially during this last lockdown. 

When you look back at this year what do you see? What do you feel? And, in whatever silence you can find what do you hear?

Whatever that might be don’t minimise it, don’t box it away. Honour it, accept it, it’s part of our journey, individually and collectively. Today be honest about what this year has meant to you, and what it has meant to those you love, to your fellow humans and to the planet herself. 

Above all remember not to judge. What might appear to be the case on the surface is very often not what is going on underneath. Home schooling, working from home, working in care homes, hospitals etc., losing jobs, being afraid of losing jobs, losing businesses and above all losing loved ones, they’ve all been part of our lives.

That friend you know who hasn’t reached out for a while, it probably isn’t because they don’t care, or they’ve forgotten you. More likely it’s been because they couldn’t. Because simply getting through each day seemed like a mammoth task. This year has asked so much of us. And for some the only way to get through was simply to retreat, to pull back, batten down the hatches. Those zoom catch ups that happened so much during the first lockdown – not so much during the third.

We tend to think that others are living a lovely life, especially with social media. But the chances are most of us are simply trying to find a way through, most of us have reached the limit of our capacity, are overwhelmed. The intention to complete courses, learn new things, try new crafts that we saw so much of early on seems to have disappeared. Winter has had her effect.  

That lack of contact will, in all probability, not be about you at all. But about the fact that your friend is trying to keep her head above water, trying to feed the family when she can no longer think straight, to remember appointments for jabs, or tests, or school restarts when she desperately just wants to sleep. 

Lockdown, for some, has truly locked down, emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. Everyone is having their own, unique experience. When we do connect again, and we will, let’s not judge, let’s not accuse. Let’s reflect, listen and share. Those important friendships and relationships matter too much not to. And the ones that don’t, that you have realised might not be important, well I guess a decision needs making. But don’t make it out of reactivity, make it out of choice.

And today, a day of reflection, try, if you can to find some time to connect in with your soul, and really, deeply reflect on what matters. And reach out to others, reach out to those you love, those in your circle, your neighbourhood. Let’s be there for each other again.

Reflection.

Marie Curie has asked that we all take a minute, at midday today to reflect on those we’ve lost, or to light a candle at 8pm to remember. However you chose to do it, make a little time in your day, and in your heart to remember. And to remember that loss affects us all, no matter what the loss might be. It may seem something insignificant to you, it might be hugely overwhelming to your friend.

Reach out, send a little note, a message, a hug. It will be deeply felt.